While I've been away...

My last blog post before my hiatus was a note remembering the 50th anniversary of CS Lewis's death. That was on 21st November 2013. That's a long time ago so I thought I'd begin my return by reflecting on what has happened since - only a few things, don't panic! Here goes...

I've had three Christmases, three birthdays, two Easters and two summers for a start. That seems hard to take in. I've been to visit my good friends in Mississippi twice and am looking forward to a visit to the Burtons in Alabama this summer when I take my sabbatical after 9 years of ministry in Ballygrainey. (More about that in future posts.)

We have seen one son enter teenage years (not too traumatic so far but it's still early days) and another following rapidly on his big brother's heels.

In church we have seen a massive church building project through from plans on paper to reality. That has been exciting and challenging in equal measure but the results have been well worth it. We have also been through the usual ups and downs of church life with the sadnesses of having to say good bye to much loved members and friends who have died along with the joys of welcoming children into our church family and seeing people come to faith, grow in faith and encourage me in my faith.

But without doubt the biggest thing that has happened in my life in these last few years happened at the end of last summer when, after a short illness, my dad died on 21st August. I have walked through grief with many people but now I was doing the walking while they were providing the support. And they certainly did support. I continue to be profoundly thankful to God for my friends in Ballygrainey and further afield for all they did for us as a family.

I have learned some things about grief in that time that I share here. It may be of help. It may not. It may describe your experience with losing someone you love. It may be nothing like what you feel. That's OK. Your experience may have been much more traumatic than mine. Feel free to ignore whatever is unhelpful in what follows, or just to stop reading now.

One thing I learned was that grief is exhausting. It is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. It was the sheer physical tiredness that caught me by surprise. Yes, we had been doing a lot of running as a family since April to hospitals and latterly a care home but that doesn't begin to explain the sheer level of tiredness that came over me in the weeks following the funeral. Grief is incredibly tiring, so if you're grieving right now and there's lots of stuff to sort out post funeral, make sure you rest awhile.

Grief also catches you by surprise. Over the months since my dad's death life for us as a family has changed of course, although not as much as it has for my mum. But the routines have remained the same. School, church, work, family stuff all still happen. We've been through some of the major events - dad's birthday in September, Christmas etc and although things were different this year, we were still able to celebrate and enjoy the season with family and friends pretty much as usual.

Where it came as a surprise was when Andrew got his exam results after Christmas. Andrew, our youngest son, is also the youngest grandchild. He was sitting his AQE tests in November (for those who don't know these are the tests that grammar schools in N. Ireland still require P7 pupils to sit before transferring from primary school) and he got his results in February. He did well in his exams and got into his chosen school but that morning the grief came back with a vengeance. After phoning his grandma to share the news with her, Andrew broke down. Why? Because granda wasn't there to share it with him. When Andrew cried, I cried as well because it hit home afresh how much we all miss my dad for times like that.

But grief does not have to dominate life. I was always familiar with Paul's words 'we do not grieve like the rest of men who have no hope'. I have shared them at funeral services and with grieving families. But I never experienced the reality of those words until last summer. Grief did not overshadow love or laughter as our family got together to support each other through the days between death and funeral. It would have been something dad would have approved of if he had been able to see his six grandchildren, ranging in age from 22 to 10 out playing cricket in the streets outside his house in those days.

But of course the reality behind this hope  is that in a just over a week's time we will celebrate the reason why grief does not have the final word any more. Grief does not have the last word because of Easter. Now, I'm not saying that there won't be sadness once again for us as a family this Easter. But because we know who dad believed, we also know that He is able to keep him and us safe until we all experience the joy of that glorious resurrection. This year when I sing the familiar resurrection hymns, I have no doubt they will have added meaning, significance and poignancy. But my hope is that their truth will ring out with greater clarity in my heart.

May the same be true for you this Easter, whether you are in the midst of grief or joy, sorrow or laughter. May you share in the glorious victory of Jesus over sin and sickness, sorrow and death.

Back again...I think

It has been two and a half years since I did this but I've been thinking about it recently and decided to blog again. We'll see how it goes.

In the relatively short time that I was doing this before, I posted on various things - some of wider political, cultural and religious importance and some that were personal to me. I'll continue to do that and maybe throw in the text of the odd sermon for good measure. I don't expect it to go viral or anything but if you'd like to read the thoughts and musings of a reformed (and hopefully reforming), confused (and often confusing) pastor, husband, dad, film critic and runner, then this is the place to come. If you'd rather not, then it isn't.

First proper post will follow soon (certainly in less than two and a half years)!