The Meaning of Marriage

Today is the day when women traditionally take the opportunity to propose marriage. This leap year there has been a lot of talk about marriage, both in Christian circles and in society as a whole.

The government in the UK last week announced the beginning of a process to consult on changing the definition of marriage to include same sex marriage. Even before the official announcement a group of churches and others had organised to fight the proposed change. The Coalition for Marriage (C4M) had 15000 signatures on their website within 24 hours of going live last week and that number has steadily grown. The online debates have begun on Facebook and other places and I have been involved in some of them.

Predictably enough the defenders of traditional marriage have been accused of being homophobic, reactionary, bigoted, out of touch and lacking in compassion for gay people. Also predictable has been the response of the defenders to these allegations, sometimes making assertions for which they have no evidence, sometimes chucking verses of Scripture about like ammunition, not caring where it lands. ( The words of Jesus about pearls before swine have sprung to mind here at times.)

Meanwhile,in America two well known pastors have published books on marriage in the last few months. Tim Keller has published The Meaning of Marriage and Mark Driscoll has produced Real Marriage to considerably more controversy. I have only read Keller's book which is a typically thorough and thought provoking exposition of Ephesians 5:18-33. At the beginning of the book Keller, who writes along with his wife, Kathy, defines marriage as 'a lifelong monogamous relationship between a man and a woman', a definition which previously would not have been required but which, increasingly Christian leaders are going to be required to give.

Keller's book also explains why, for Christians, the redefinition of marriage is more than just an extension of civil rights. Marriage is not simply for the stability of society or companionship or even procreation. Marriage, in Paul's terms is an illustration of the gospel and a demonstration of God's love for the church. Typically, therefore Keller's book is not simply a manual on how to have a happy marriage but a discussion of how our marriages can present the gospel of Christ to the world and how couples can help each other to draw closer to God (and to each other)through their determination to love one another and give of oneself to each other. (Although there are plenty of examples of both success and failure from the Kellers' own marriage.)

In the chapter written by Kathy Keller there is a discussion of the controversial area of headship and submission which concludes by asking each partner in a marriage to take on 'the Jesus role' in the marriage. The husband is to take on the role by exercising headship as a servant, always putting his wife's needs before his own. The wife is to take in the role by willingly submitting to her husband's servant leadership just as Christ willingly submitted to his Father even when he was co- equal in the Godhead.

At a time when traditional views of marriage are under attack and when attitudes to marriage are increasingly superficial, The Meaning of Marriage is a vital corrective. Married Christians are encouraged to recognise that their marriages are intended to present the gospel to the world. Unmarried Christians are reminded that marriage is not the be all and end all but rather only serves as an illustration of the ultimate relationship between Christ and his church; the only relationship through which every Christian (married or single)finds fulfilment.

If you are engaged to be married, read this book now. If you are married, read this book to remind yourself of the importance of your relationship and your covenant decision to love one another. If you are unmarried read this book to remind yourself of the proper Biblical perspective on marriage and singleness. All Christians should read this book to be reminded of the astonishing depths of the gospel of grace.